Managing friction

I thought lately about what has changed in my life over the years. People change (even if they don't admit it). And there are always some sort of triggers that cause these changes. Some people start a habit of running, maybe; some start hanging out with friends who are into drinking; some become parents; some people move countries, etc. Small or big decisions don’t matter; the actions you take change the outcome of who you become.

In my case, I've realized that I'm very sensitive to friction. I realized that friction is bad and good depending on how you approach it. It's a strong tool that you can use to make your life better as well. When I discovered that I can use friction to shape my life, I used it in places where I wanted to change some of my habits. What exactly do I mean by that?

(note: I considered various words to choose from. Sometimes, you can substitute “working hard” or “challenging” with “friction,” but they don’t convey the same message. Therefore, “friction” it is)

Why friction is bad

First, friction is something that makes us feel bad. It's a constant force against you. And the hard part of it is that most people don’t realize that they live their lives with friction all over the place. As a simple example, let's think about publishing your personal website on the internet. Previously, to using Ghost.org (my current website is hosted here), I've used various static site generators, such as Jekyll or Hugo. I've used these generators for years.

And I know a lot of people are using them because they provide immense customization and flexibility (I get it), but here is where the problem starts. Most people just want to get their ideas out, share a few pictures, code snippets, or videos. That's it. They see a static site generator and think “wow, great, let me use it", because it's cheap and mostly free (i.e: GitHub + Cloudflare Pages), but they don't realize that they have introduced a big friction in their life.

Assuming they want to publish a blog post, here are several frictions that they'll have to deal with:

• There is no online editor ready to be used. Either they have to use a Markdown editor, editors like Vim, or install a local online editor. All of them make it hard to write if you want to share a few sentences.
• Suppose you want to share some pictures. You have to upload them to a platform and then link them in your editor. While some people simply add them to their Git repository, it’s not as straightforward as simply dragging and dropping a picture.
• Assume you somehow have a workflow where you can share pictures. However, you soon realize that you also need to resize them to a size that’s accessible to everyone without requiring them to download the original high-resolution version. Some static generators provide handy functions to make that easy, but still, you have to configure all of it.
• You realize that the theme you're using is not mobile-friendly. You're now looking into CSS/HTML files to figure out how to add a responsive design. It doesn't stop there, things like SEO, RSS feeds, X/Instagram cards, Membership etc., are all an afterthought. You're spending hours on making sure everything works out of the box.
• Sometimes the issue is the underlying static site generator. The version you're using is incompatible, and you have to update it. The moment you update it, it no longer works due to a dependency, or maybe the configuration file the static site generator has changed. Or suddenly, you're searching on the web trying to find out what the issue is.

I can delve deeper into this topic, but it’s a Sunday morning, and you’ve just brewed a cup of coffee. All you want to do is share your thoughts, but why is it so challenging?

There you have your friction. The solution is straightforward: use an online hosting platform. However, not many people do it because for them, these are minor issues that can be easily resolved. But people fail to realize that this approach stifles their creativity and slows down their willingness to publish posts. Their minds unconsciously detect problems when attempting to publish a blog post. People abandon posting altogether.

You can see frictions all over the place in your life. Here are some other examples:

• Having a notebook with you, but you always forgot to carry a pen. This leads to trying to find a pen at your desk, on the move, in your backpack etc. all the time. Solution: attach a penholder to your notebook, and always carry a pen with every notebook you carry.
• You’ve installed some smart devices in your home, such as bulbs, sensors, gates, and triggers. You can control the bulbs using your phone, view the sensor results, and trigger certain gates. However, this convenience comes at a cost. Since you don’t always have your phone with you, you end up searching for it, opening the app, and navigating through menus whenever you need to interact with these devices. This friction adds up over time. The solution is easy: add physical buttons for your bulbs, small displays for your sensors, and smart buttons that allow you to trigger the gates without the need for your phone.
• After washing your socks, you’ll realize that you spend hours matching them because there are some blacks with different shades, some are short, and some are long. To solve this problem, consider buying only a single set of socks. If you prefer colors, opt for socks with unique patterns (although this may increase friction slightly, we’ll discuss this further).
• You have a single salt and pepper grinder in your kitchen, perhaps next to the oven. While cooking, you might want to add a bit more salt, so you get up, take the salt grinder, and use it at your dinner table. The next day, when you’re making eggs for breakfast, you realize the salt grinder is on the dinner table and go back to get it. This pattern repeats over time, adding friction to your routine. To solve this issue, consider adding a second set of salt and pepper grinders. One grinder can always stay at the kitchen, while the other stays at the dinner table.

I can go on and on. There are so many little things in our life that cause friction, but most are not aware of it. Or rather, we decided that it's okay to have friction. Most of these are not pleasant though, and most don't have any benefits to our daily life either. However, this brings me to another point.

When is friction beneficial though?

When friction becomes good

I talked about that friction is bad. There are cases where you can reverse the action and use friction for your own good. And sometimes, you use friction because it brings you joy and makes your life more human. After all, we're not made of binary numbers, and our actions are also not binary. We have moods, we go down, go up, we laugh, cry, and do many other things. That's what we are. Friction brings inconsistencies in our life, it brings small gaps and hills we have to get over. And dealing with frictions makes us feel good. It reminds you that you're alive, a human being to overcome challenges.

There are various ways to introduce friction or accept it in your life. The concept behind introducing friction is that it either significantly improves your life or brings you some challenges. Let me illustrate this with an example.

I was approximately 17 or 18 years old when I first heard about Linux. Back then, Ubuntu wasn’t yet a popular choice, and people primarily used Gentoo, Slack, or Debian (among the many other Linux distributions available). However, obtaining a Linux ISO and burning it to a CD wasn’t an easy task either. I managed to get my first Linux CD by reaching out to a mailing list, and someone working as an IT professional at a company was willing to assist me. My journey didn’t end there. Upon returning home, I found myself clueless about how to install Linux. I embarked on a journey of reading documentation and participating in mailing lists, but the process was incredibly challenging. Installing Linux and ensuring its properly configured was another big challenge. Even after successfully installing it, my troubles persisted. I spent months learning the bits of Linux.

As you see, my road to learning Linux was full of challenges and friction. But I was okay with it! I learned a lot, and it made a huge impact in my Software Engineering career (I had three jobs lined up when I graduated from the Universitey).

I loved it back then, because I would challenge myself and learn new things. So sometimes friction is good and you want it a lot, especially if you want to grow or leave your comfort zone. That’s why if you have something in your mind that you want to learn or achieve, the best way is to be exposed to friction.

Here are few cases where introducing friction is good depending on your goals:

• To reduce your social media addiction, you can introduce friction. For instance, don’t place your phone beside your bed while sleeping. If you’re planning to be out for a few hours, refrain from taking your phone with you. If you’re traveling, place your phone in a way that makes it inconvenient to get and use it.
• You enjoy brewing coffee, and the ritual makes you happy. In this case, you don't want to automate your workflow. You'll get a manual hand grinder, a stove kettle, and brew your coffee slowly. It won't be as easy as pushing a button using a Nespresso or similar machines, but the idea is the ritual bringing your joy every single time.
• Go the extra mile and opt for walking or cycling to your destination instead of driving or taking the subway. The friction engages you in physical activity, fosters interactions with your community and surroundings, and potentially leads to new discoveries.
• This might be controversial, but having kids can be put here. Parents who really want kids will enjoy every minute of it, but kids bring also a ton of friction into your life. Nothing will be easy. There will be sacrifices. But it's something that might make you proud and happy. And give you a purpose in your life.
• Everyone loves good food. Especially those with heavy carbs, sugar, and whatsoever. But a lot of these carb-loaded foods will also make you gain weight over time unless you exercise. If you're overweight, you need to, for example, eat under your daily calorie requirements. The only way to do this is with a strict diet, meaning adding friction to your life. Changing habits, eating less, and not buying your favorite food are all challenges, but it's worth adding some friction for some period to make feel you better.

As you can see, deliberately adding friction can actually improve your life. However, it’s crucial to understand and be aware of it. Otherwise, it could become a source of annoyance or unhappiness, which you certainly don’t want.

Verdict

The most crucial aspect of friction is awareness. It’s important to recognize that challenges or annoyances can be easily modified. If you enjoy something, you’ll choose to keep it that way (like manually grinding your coffee), while if you think it as a source of friction, you’ll opt for the opposite and get a superautomatic machine (so you can brew coffee with a single touch of a button).

That's why frictions are highly personal. For me, I've discovered that frictions challenge me and let me grow beyond my borders. And I've learnt how to deal with it over time. First thing is to be aware of it; after that, you can shape it according to your needs.